The Official Guide to being Greek

1. wear clothes of 2 colors, black and white.

2. own a cell phone and use it in at inapropriate times- in church, restaurant, funeral, wedding etc.

3. refer to anyone who's not Greek disparingly as "xeni" and pity them for not being as cultured and sophisticated as the greeks.

4. have predominantly Greek friends, with a few token "xeni" thrown in for diversity. talk greek when "xeni" are around

5. dress as though you are headed for a club when you're actually going to work or class.

6. if you are a Greek woman, stare menacingly at the other women around you, especially if there richer or more attractive than you.

7. if you are a Greek guy, be sure not to bathe to achieve an "earthy" scent, then try to mask it with a lot of cologne; the combination drives babes wild.

8. smoke as if is your last day on earth…and smoke only Marlboros.

9. travel only in droves of 10 or more , and be as loud as possible at all times.

10. if you're single, go to all Greek intercollegiate parties and all YAL and GOYA conferences, even if you're 45 years old.

11. if you're a single Greek over 30, tell everyone you're in your 20's, even if you're pushing 50.

12. if you're a single Greek guy, tell women you're a "successful businessman" or that you "own a successful business back in Greece" even if you're an unemployed goat farmer.

13. dirty dance to Greek folk music.

14. wear only "designer" labels, even if you buy them off a cart on a sidewalk in Manhattan.

15. make sure "designer" lables are extremely visible, preferably embroided on the front of the apparel.

16. if you are a Greek guy, walk 10 feet in front of your woman and call her only when you want sex, then go into a deep depression and lament "theft" of your woman when she dumps you for another guy.

17. if you're a Greek guy, be indifferent and rude to any woman you're interested in dating, especially if she's Greek.

18. if you're a Greek guy, date "xenes" but marry a Greek woman that can treat you badly.

19. if you're a Greek woman, date "xeni" but marry a Greek guy that treats you badly.

20. wear a leather jacket at all times… even in the summer.

21. tell American friends that money is never an object, even if you only have 10 bucks to your name.

22. guys: if you have hair, get it cut every week and use at least 3 different styling products; if you're bald, develop a big ego to mask your insecurity. (applicable to short men as well)

23. make sure you install every possible option in your car, even if it is a Hyundai.

24. own a manual transmission sports car, even if its junk.

25. claim to be a devout Orthodox Christian but know nothing about the religion other than the date of your name day.

26. use church as social stomping ground to meet potential dates.

27. if you are a Greek woman, dye your hair an obvious fake shade of blonde that is nonexistent in nature and swear that it's natural.

28. if you are a Greek american, act like your father was royalty back in Greece but fell into hard times after the 1973 coup.

29. pump Greek music in the hood.